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And on the request of a few people here is the text for those of you not shrewd enough to take a pair of earphones to work with you!!
Want to take the day off work? The Health Protection Agency or HPA has done the biggest favour it can to those feeling hungover and not in the mood for going to work this week by announcing the spread of Norovirus – or Winter Vomitting Disease. Symptoms include vomiting and it being winter and medical advice is DON’T go to the doctors or the hospital to get a sick note ‘cause you’ll only spread it to others. Stay in bed, take a paracetamol and don’t go back to work until you’ve been feeling OK for two whole days – which for some people might be mid-february. The HPA says more than 100,000 people a week are coming down with the virus. Amazingly those affected are almost exclusively heavy drinkers stuck in jobs they hate working for right tossers.
The winners in the US yesterday were Barack Obama for the Democrats and Mike Huckabee for the Republicans. I made a brief joke yesterday about Obama being a bit young. Ha ha, very funny. Now lets talk about Mike Huckabee ...
In 1992 he suggested the US should “Treat AIDS as [a] plague to be isolated”, modern stuff, perhaps he would advocate AIDS pits or colonies or making sufferers ring a little bell wherever they go.
He describes himself as Pro-Life and Pro-Death Penalty.
He said he believes the Kyoto treaty was a mistake.
He says we shouldn’t limit oil production.
America should answer to it’s own constitution, not international law.
Compared genocide in Darfur to, as he calls it, infanticide of the unborn – or abortion.
More recently he said “People [are] naturally selfish; only God or punishment prevent it.”, weird when two of the biggest philanthropists in the US are atheists Warren Buffet and George Soros. Also there’s this bloke in the UK who’s an atheist too called Bob Geldof.
In Jan last year summed it up once and for all for me when he said “more bible, less blogs”.
I say once and for all – actually there was something he said very recently that I think was even more stupid. He suggested America should (direct quote) “Go after al Qaeda's safe havens in Pakistan.”. Feeling safe and comfortable now? Want to raise your kids in a world where America’s at war with Pakistan? Hmm ... better use a condom then. Although of course that’s going to be harder than you think since just for good measure Huckers favours abstinence only sex education in schools.
The government has been criticised for the way Home Information Packs were introduced. HIPs as they were called by people who clearly don’t know the first thing about what HIP means, were apparently delayed due to public opposition. Cause that’s awful – the government doing what the public wants – we’re not French you know!
HIPs which run up to 100 pages long are supposed to encourage energy efficiency and help to reduce carbon emissions. Probably the best way to do that would be to recycle it. The Royal Institute of Chartered Surveyors brought a legal action against the contents of the HIPs, which as a result may have to be phased out in favour of a new package hopefully to be called the HIP replacement.
Clearly the government has been caught on the HIP hop. OK that’s enough HIP puns, I feel a bit dizzy now.
Here the BBC has the rather brilliant headline “China to expand lethal injections” which seems a little odd – you would think as long as the dose was lethal increasing it would be a waste of time. In fact they are spreading it as an alternative to shooting people in the back of the head. They say it is “more humane” but surely just NOT KILLING PEOPLE would be top of the old humane pops.
Confusingly in the US two death row inmates are bringing a case against the lethal injection because they say it is inhumane. Now to explain – the injection causes paralysis followed by possibly very painful death, undetectable to onlookers because of the paralysis. Yuck. And people moan about the Chinese eating the odd little fluffy puppy!
Amnesty Intl says the Chinese authorities kill at least 1000 people a year with injections – making Harold Shipman look like a rank amateur. Crimes that carry the death penalty include tax fraud and embezzlement. Imagine that – executing Jeffrey Archer. Mmmm. Now stop touching yourself.
Two fake profiles of Benazir Bhutto’s son Bilawal have been removed from Facebook. Administrators realised the profiles were fake when they failed to respond to a FunWall post reading “Forward this to all your friends or a puppy will feel sad”. In recent activity the profiles had poked president Musharraf and thrown a custard pie at Sonia Gandhi.
Facebook officials said they didn’t know who had posted the profiles but they did know where they bought their Christmas presents and the ages of their children. A spokeswoman – quite genuinely – said that while people could be barred from Facebook there was nothing to stop them posting under a different name. Luckily no international criminal mastermind has ever thought of the old false name ruse so we’re all safe.
As usual: extra material by Mr Cru.