It's my birthday today and what a gift The Telegraph have sent! Two of my least favourite things wrapped up in one. Bad science being used to justify sexism!
Apparently, we're told, men need nights out with the lads. Not someone's opinion or the advice of their in-house agony aunt, no. This is SCIENCE, we're told.
The subtitle reads "Researchers in Germany found it was good for a man's health to be allowed time to bond with fellow males".
But read the article and they found nothing of the sort. They found it was good for a male Barbary macaque's health. They add "a type of ape which exhibits remarkably human-like social behaviour" so presumably it spends half the morning nursing a hangover while playing Angry Birds and then writing about how it "really needs to get more organised" on Facebook?
The tenuousness of the link is made even more apparent when they try to compare men "watching each other's backs" with Barbary macaques picking ticks and fleas off each other. Hmm, alerting your mate to someone looking at him aggressively in the queue for a kebab doesn't strike me as obviously analogous to combing his back hair for him if he can't reach.
The only reason to assume that what applies to Barbary macaques will also apply to humans would be if humans and macaques shared a common ancestor who also exhibited this behaviour. Not so.
Humans are much more closely related to bonobos. Do you know what bonobos do to relieve stress? They wank off members of their own family. Really they do. Who wants to write a piece in The Telegraph about the health benefits of familial mutual masturbation? No me either.
The reality is that the only reason this piece got published at all was because they know perfectly well that guys out there wanting to shirk other commitments and responsibilities and go out drinking will latch onto it. Well sorry, not fooled.
Look at the all-male groups in most pubs and clubs night after night. Look at the crowd at football matches across the country. Believe me, if all-male socialising was the key to male health you'd all be immortal by now! Instead your life expectancy is considerably shorter than ours.
I'd bet the exact opposite is true in humans - all male groups are likely to drink more, smoke more, get in more fights, eat more fast food, do more dangerous activities. I'd bet all-male socialising is linked to to poorer health in human men. But no-one's going to publish that in The Telegraph are they?
Just a short post but one everyone ought to read for your own safety. So Saturday night I'm coming home from my gig. The bus screeches to a halt - there's been a road traffic accident. A man is lying unconscious in the road in a pool of blood. Various bystanders are trying to help.
Now partly because I was a good girl guide and partly because I have witnessed several similar accidents I know what to do. So I get off the bus and since it's a long straight road and the traffic has stopped in both directions and an ambulance been called I say "Don't move him - he might have a spinal injury - don't move him, don't touch him". Now I am not lacking in a clear audible tone of voice - really - everyone hears me and everyone knows I'm serious.
Immediately a big bloke jumps in and starts moving the guy around. I shout at him to stop, that it's not safe to move him around. He replies "It's alright, love, I know him". Ah yes, the well known spinal injury preventing force field of previous acquaintance... Amazing it's not discussed in medical text books more. I explain again. "I hear you love, I hear ya" he says before grabbing the guy's head and lifting him up six inches by it. Yes he lifted the unconscious bleeding guy up by his head. "What are you doing?" I ask. "Chill out love, I'm not going to move him, I'm just putting a jacket under his head as a pillow" is the angry response.
It would be one thing if the big bloke had asked me to explain further or explained what he thought was a good idea. I would have been all up for explaining my point or asking the 999-ambulance operator for advice. But no, he heard me loud and clear and decided to just wade in and do what he (on the basis of clearly no medical knowledge whatsoever) thought was a good idea. Well if his friend never walks again all I can say is: blame the patriarchy.
A friend of mine has recently been admitted to an NHS mental health unit. I went to see her yesterday. For someone who's not a healthcare professional I'm fairly clued up on good ways of addressing mental health problems. I think a healthy diet, gentle exercise, plenty of activities, regular counselling, advice about potential medication and a peaceful environment are the most obvious things that should be offered. My friend has so far seen none of these.
She described the food as "minging" but was told I couldn't bring fresh fruit in for her because "I might have injected it with alcohol" - the irony being that I did have alcohol in my bag when I went in and no-one even checked. At breakfast she was told she could have either butter or jam on her toast, but not both (while ketchup and mayonnaise are not rationed so it's not even a health or budget thing). She said very little food was provided and for instance she was required to choose between dessert and a piece of fruit and ended up having to choose the dessert because it was more filling. Vending machines with crisps and snacks are next to the place where food is served.
The only place to exercise is a tiny courtyard. There is a small gym clearly visible next to reception but no-one recalled anyone being allowed to use it and some people thought it might be for staff, not patients. She does not feel safe going out into the courtyard alone as she has already seen fights and staff do not maintain watch.
No activities offered except that she was told there would be karaoke at some future date (what about art, yoga, meditation, exercise?). She was told on admittance there was a DVD room but when she asked to use it they said there wasn't one (and then it emerged there was, and eventually they let her use it). There is one TV for around 80 patients and because most of the bigger, more aggressive patients are guys, the football is always on which she has no interest in but has been watching out of boredom.
No counselling. Nor any mention of when any would be provided.
One doctor's consultation during which she was asked to give a blood sample and asked if the TV talks to her and if she hears voices and basically nothing else.
The general environment ... where to start? Within ten minutes of arriving a man was stood with his face ten inches from mine shouting "There's mad people in here, I'm Adam, I'm Saddam, you wanna be careful you could meet a mad person in here, we're all mad". The same guy grabbed my hand and creepily kissed it, and stroked another visitors back uninvitedly. My friend is quite glamorous usually but had asked friends to bring in frumpy, longer clothing and stopped washing her hair and wearing make-up in a vain attempt to deter the other patients from a providing a constant barrage of sexual remarks and harassment. When an elderly female relative came to visit her, other patients wolf-whistled at her. Yes - at the elderly relative. Most of the abuse was sex-related although my friend said some patients were also on the receiving end of aggressive racial abuse. Staff did nothing to stop the abuse.
How exactly does anyone think this is helping? I'm not blaming staff, I'm sure they are overworked and ultimately willing to do the best thing. But surely we have to distinguish between patients likely to frighten and intimidate others and patients needing a peaceful supportive environment. Screaming sexual abuse at mental health patients just doesn't seem like it's going to solve anything.
Well the police have rung me twice now. Both times to mostly reconfirm details I already gave them and tell me things I already know. They have however finally established the case number for the last time this lowlife was harrassing me so there is some hope of finding out what happened last time in a few days. They also sent me a leaflet about home security - cos it's well known that if you fit window locks no-one will text you and threaten to kill you...or something. Nice to feel like I'm getting a personalised service.
I was away for the weekend in Edinburgh - gorgeous place, makes me wonder why on earth I live in London - which was nice because I knew that said lowlife didn't know where I was so I wasn't looking over my shoulder all the time.
Back now and busy with interviews. There is a report out showing that just over 5,000 teenage girls and women had repeat abortions last year (i.e. their second or more). Now representing, as it does, less than a quarter of a percent of teenage girls and women in the UK, it seems to me the need for shock and alarm is being a little over-played by, ooh, who could it be? ... did you guess? Yes the pro-choice alliance!
Well what do the numbers tell us? Not much really. Either the number of unwanted teenage pregnancies is on the rise (which would be maybe bad, but not necessarily depending on the age of the teenagers and the consentuality of the sex and the level of understanding of contraceptive use - you know a nineteen-year-old in a happy equal relationship using contraception which fails doesn't worry me) or the percentage of teenagers who want an abortion succeeding in getting one has risen (and that would definitely be good - for them, their physical and mental health and their human rights).
I think any focus on the number of abortions taking place is just dumb. The right number of abortions is one for every woman who wants one. The factors which affect the number of unwanted pregnancies - things like sex education and services working to end rape and sexual violence as well as support for women chosing to continue their pregnancy - can and should be addressed. The number of abortions or repeat abortions or teenage abortions is just a number. Apparently last year it was a bit over 5,000. Excuse me while I remain calm.
I wrote a piece for Reuters yesterday about the murder of Dr George Tiller and the implications for current abortion issues here. My piece here or the "balanced"* debate here.
*"Balanced" is very much a matter of opinion I think.
I was on TV this morning on BBC One show The Big Questions (hosted by Nicky Campbell, pictured) talking about the plans to allow abortion service providers to advertise on TV. You can watch the show again on BBC iPlayer. More information here (you've got 7 days to view it before they take it down I think - my part was in the third section of the show so fast forward to 40 minutes in if you don't want to see the whole thing!). The debate got quite heated largely due to the presence of "family campaigner"* Lynette Burrows. I've met her before and I recognised her instantly due to the faint smell of sulphur that wafts by as she enters the room.
Suffice as to say I thought it went very well. I managed to get a fair few important points across and also got to say live on air that abortion is available in Britain, on the NHS, for free and nothing to be ashamed about. And probably someone somewhere listening didn't realise that and will one day really need to know in a hurry. So in that sense it was definitely worth the early morning trip to Cambridge!
And if you are wondering how it ends - it turns out the answer to most of the big questions is (in the words of someone sat near me) "Shut up Lynette, you stupid bigot"!
* In inverted commas because I, like more or less everyone I know, am a member of a family and she certainly doesn't represent my views.
Remember when we discovered that protecting the rights of Muslims to practice their religion was more important than saving women's lives? By the way it was yesterday.
Well what do you know? Now a Catholic school is refusing to allow it's girls to be innoculated against HPV (which leads* to cervical cancer, which can lead of course to death). Worse they're insisting their decision is "not a moral one" but has to do with concerns about side effects like "headaches" and "nausea" and the school "not being the right place" to administer the vaccine. So just to clarify in case any govenors of St Monica's, Preswich are reading:
1) Headaches and nausea generally considered less serious conditions than cancer.
2) Best place to do vaccinations? Wherever we can be most certain that all children will receive it, i.e. at school where we can record these thing.
And a bonus one: (3) Best place for your religion? Further down the priority list than the lives of young women in your care.
*Note, as my wise commenters have pointed out - I am explaining this wrong: HPV can lead to cervical cancer. Having HPV does not mean you'll get cervical cancer, lots of people have HPV and have no problems as a result of it. However the vast majority of cervical cancers develop in women with HPV, so protecting against HPV protects against cervical cancer. (Thanks to those who pointed this out!)
I've just seen this post over at a My Private Casbah, about a woman left to die on the floor of a psychiatric hospital and Bint Alshamsa, the blog author's, own experiences in similar circumstances. It's just horrible to see the medical staff and the others in the waiting room sitting around doing nothing while this women evidently is suffering horribly.
I'm glad to say the one time I was in a similar situation I didn't do nothing, or at least not in the end. Around 1998 or 1999 I broke a finger playing basketball and went to Guy's Hospital emergency room to get it x-rayed and treated. When I got there I was sent to the waiting room and asked to fill out a questionnaire by the triage nurse who was sitting in a little booth off the waiting room. While I was doing that the only other patient in the waiting room, a small, very thin blonde woman of about 30 was sat in the corner curled up on the floor twitching slightly. Two nurses were watching and I assumed they had the situation under control. After a while the twitching got worse and the woman was rocking so much she was banging her head repeatedly on the floor. Her face was streaming with snot and tears. The nurses were just watching. I figured they must know best. I'm sure I've read somewhere about how you shouldn't restrain someone having a fit, but I was wondering whether moving metal chairs away from them and putting a cushion under her head would have been a bad move. She was looking at me imploringly and I gave her a tissue to dry her face and kept looking at the nurses who weren't even watching.
Then another nurse came in and called my name to go through to see the doctor. Then I did say something. I said I really think you should see this woman first. My broken finger can wait, this woman is really suffering. They told me she hadn't filled her form in and I think as they said it they realised how totally ridiculous they sounded and then they had a quick conference and ushered the twitching woman through to the doctor.
Of course in retrospect I am horrified with myself for sitting there for the first twenty minutes filling in the form rather than screaming at the nurses to help this woman. It's so easy to see someone in an "official" uniform and assume that whatever they are doing is the right thing. Years later I read Stanley Milgram's Obedience to Authority - an amazing book that everyone should read (link in my Amazon favourites box, right) - in which he convinces members of the public to administer lethal electrical shocks to others (actually actors, not being shocked) because a scientist in a lab coat has told them to.
And then only the other week we had the spectacle of several hundred people watching comedian Johnny Vegas sexually assault a woman from the audience. Why didn't anybody get up and shout "Oi! What the hell are you doing?" - because they had accepted the authority of the guy onstage with the mic.
So I guess my point is - if you see something that isn't right happening, say something. And my other point is - we need better attention paid to the services we provide for those patients least able to stand up for themselves - the elderly, those with mental health problems and those too incapacitated to communicate effectively.
"Good Article" and "Daily Mail" don't appear in the same sentence on the Cru-blog very often however... I met Jenni Murray once, the first time I was a guest on Women's Hour, not that that makes me some sort of expert, (I'm just showing off that I've been on Women's Hour more than once! The following week I said hello to her in Euston station and she smiled back in a way that said do-I-actually-know-you-or-are-you-a-weirdo? And I didn't have time to explain and had to run off to catch my train.) Regardless she's really a sort of national treasure. And you can see why by reading her very frank account of her experience of breast cancer.
Attention food manufacturers and supermarkets. Just so you know - I've noticed when you pad out your products with cheap ingredients. I know when I pick up a carton of pomegranate 100% juice drink and it turns out to be 50% grape juice that I'm being ripped off. I know grape juice is the cheapest juice on the market. If it wasn't why would there be a never-endingrunofclearlypressrelease-driven "news" storiesabouthowgoodfor yougrapejuiceis (note however that that's all purple grape juice, while I'm pretty sure the pomegranate juice is cut with white grape juice)?
I know when I look at a supposedly chicken-based soup and it contains more carrots, potatoes, rice, onions and peas than it does chicken that somebody somewhere thinks I'm stupid enough to base my choice of food on the picture on the front of the tin, rather than the information on the back. And even those ingredients are second only to water. What is the point of selling uncondensed soup?
And on that subject there are adverts on TV at the moment for a fabric softener "now condensed". Surely what they mean is "by the way, that stuff we've been selling you for the last 50 years was mostly water!!".
Isn't it time companies realised that we're not fooled by this stuff any more. Isn't it time these guys cut their advertising budgets and instead spent the money on an internal CSR (corporate responsibility) audit to see how they could be better benefiting consumers, the environment, their employees and the communities they operate in. Then when you've started using better ingredients in a better way, send out a press release about that!
Before my granddad died, he suffered for around nine years with Alzheimer's. The worst thing wasn't the forgetting things, the not recognising people or the needing round-the-clock care. The worst symptom of Alzheimer's was the depression. He knew he was a burden to those who cared for him, he knew what was happening to him and it broke his heart every day.
Important research into potential treatments for Alzheimer's include research on the use of stem cells harvested from blastocysts - clusters of pre-embryonic cells. At present such research is slowed considerably by the limited supply of such blastocysts, which are made using donated human eggs. The egg donation process is non-trivial and involves a woman taking fertility drugs to cause the eggs to mature and then having them surgically extracted.
However brilliant scientists have come up with a way to create very similar blastocysts using eggs extracted from large mammals, like cows. Obviously this allows many more eggs to be harvested and thus many more blastocysts created and available to researchers. Here's the catch, since the blastocyst has 100% human cell DNA but with bovine mitocondrial DNA it's technically "a part human, part animal" hybrid, which scientists are legally not allowed to create.
So step in Gordon Brown with the new Human Fertilisation and Embryology Bill which includes a special clause to allow the creation of human-animal hybrid blastocysts so long as they are destroyed before they reach 14 days "old", i.e. long before they have developed into even an embryo. Problem solved.
Now a part of me thinks a free vote is the right choice because at least we'll all know which MPs not to vote for next time round.
But another part of me thinks this: I'm an atheist. I'll bet you good money most of the researching scientists are atheists. I don't want to suffer like Granddad did. So I propose that the atheist scientists get on with the research and if the Catholic Alzheimer's sufferers of the future prefer not to use the resulting treatments on principle - fine. You see the law isn't saying anyone would be forced to create hybrid blastocysts, only that they can if they want to. Those people who object to their creation are welcome to not create them.
And isn't this the trouble with religious-based laws? I mean if you're religious about it, don't get an abortion, don't get a gay marriage, don't adopt children into your lesbian family (another clause they are being allowed to opt out of) but don't try to pass laws telling me how to live my life.
If it doesn't go through, I might go offer to donate some eggs to researchers. Anyone know how to do this? Anyone else coming?
Scientists say they have used stem cells to make the stripped-out shell of a heart beat again.The lead researcher on the case said Mrs Thatcher didn’t feel a thing.
Also in health Gordon Brown has done something sensible – he’s copied one of Dr Evan Harris’s #hallelujah ideas and proposed that instead of having an opt-in organ donor system, we switch to an opt-out one.This could potentially help 7,000 people awaiting a donor organ in the UK.The Express responded in horror with the headline “Outcry at plan to strip organs without consent”, failing to mention that the organs in question would mainly be coming from dead people, not just those who’ve fallen asleep on the bus.
Immigration
A new application on Facebook allows users to take the Britishness test which many immigrants face when they apply for citizenship of the UK.The average Briton, it emerges, fails the test.So presumably in the future those who pass will be promptly deported while those who fail will be welcomed with open arms.So I logged on.And failed it.What a stupid test.Here’s a sample question: What proportion of first-time voters used their vote in the 2001 elections?So what they’re asking is: How disillusioned are young people with the state of politics in this country?Is it (a) very, (b) very very or (c) I’m under 24 and I don’t give a shit what the answer to this question is.
Another question asks which minority ethnic group is the most numerous in the UK and gives the possible answers Black Carribean, Pakistani, Indian and good grief how should I know we don’t have them round our way.
Amazingly not included on the test was a question on the recipe for Britain’s favourite dish – the chicken tikka masala.
I personally think we could do away with the whole test in exchange for simply sitting applicants in a room and bringing out a plate of Jaffa Cakes.Anyone not seen eating at least three clearly isn’t British.This would keep out the diabetics too.That is a joke by the way, before anyone starts writing in.
Sport
Para-olympian Oscar Pistorus has been told he won’t be allowed to enter the Beijing Olympics as an able-bodied athlete.The runner has two artificial feet which actually work better than ordinary feet for running.The ruling is bad news for Professor Stephen Hawkin who had hoped to enter the marathon in a Nissan Micra.
Papers
The Daily Express has a lengthy piece today about how women love dark and brooding men.The first part of the article is about Daniel Day-Lewis who allegedly scared another actor in his latest film, although that sounds like one of those rubbish stories that are just written to help publicise the film.Still fair enough.Daniel Day-Lewis, dark, brooding and sexy.The thing is then they list the other dark, brooding men that women love: Marlon Brando, ok, Jose Morinho, alright, Marco Pierre-White, maybe, Gordon Brown, no, and finally Vladimir Putin, Vladimir Putin!?Dark?His face is the colour of uncooked pastry.He makes John Major look ruddy.
On page six, the Daily Express dedicated about four column inches to the news that British troops could be in Afghanistan for, and I quote, decades, then the whole of page seven gets back to the important news that the nine millionth enquiry into the death of Princess Diana is planning to interview her butler.The remainder of the paper focuses on the shocking news that some famous people may have had sex and offers it’s readers an exclusive chance to win a caravan...
The Independent had it’s own little crack at being ridiculous in their fashion pages with an article about accessories cooing over a Chloe clutch-bag.The thing is the bag is shown being carried by a model in a see-through blouse and no bra.Here’s my fashion advice for the new season – walk around with your tits showing and no-one will notice if you’ve got a cheap handbag.
Am I the only person cynical to think that the authors of the press release behind this story were actually trying to increase sales of sugar-free gum? Apparently chewing too much of certain types of gum can cause weight loss, up to 20% of your bodymass. That would be more or less exactly the difference between, say, a normal woman and Kate Moss. So don't chew gum kids unless you want to look like a supermodel...
The truth is that sorbitol, found in many sugar-free products has a mild laxative effect. As long as you're not having very much you shouldn't notice any effects. When I was a kid though one day a lorry overturned on the motorway next to the school field (you can tell how old I am - my school had a field) and spilled hundreds of thousands of packets of Velamints (containing sorbitol) onto the road. Of course the kids hurdled the fence and collected pocketfuls of the "free sweets". The following day was the annual school trip to Colchester Castle, the capital of Roman Britain. The trip was spoiled somewhat by the fact that every child in the whole school had uncontrollable diarrhea and there was no toilet on the bus, unless you count the floor.
I'll end the description there in case anyone reading this is eating. Trust me enough sorbitol makes you lose weight, fast, in a way that you don't want to.
I mentioned briefly in my podcast on Jan 7th about the recent Which? survey that had revealed that cosmetic surgery salespeople were pressuring women in to surgery they really didn't want. Today Julie Bindel in the Guardian interviews cosmetic surgery guru Wendy Lewis and very politely refrains from pointing out that she looks kindof freaky. Not that a woman should be judged on her appearance but when one spends her life telling other women how great cosmetic surgery is - you would be forgiven a quick peek to see how well it's going for her. And Sadie Nicholas in the Daily Mail has a lengthy piece too - for some reason accompanied by a photo of a very glamourous model with dotted lines on her face - although whether that's supposed to be showing us, before, after, the ideal we're supposed to aim for or the ridiculousness of suggesting already stunning women could be put forward for surgery I do not know.
What all of the reports show is that cosmetic surgery is being sold in a false, aggressive and dangerous way. And not just a little bit, like the way double glazing people or dodgy estate agents sell things - lies, pressure, tricks. There is even a case where a saleswoman waits until a client is sedated for one lot of surgery and tries to sell her a couple more things while she is passing out. There are outright lies in the published before and after photos - which in one case are of different people. People are sold botox while they are drunk, with the procedure performed on the spot.
I'm not saying no-one should have access to surgery if they want it, that's up to them. However, we need a significantly better regulated industry. We need an end to time-sensitive discounts on surgery, bulk discounts and salespeople working on targets and bonuses. We need to regulate the qualifications needed by surgeons, the hours they can work and the complaint and problem-resolution system. We need our media to highlight the risks and downsides of surgery - such as the ones experienced by the women on this site - and sales people and adverts to be obliged to explain those risks. Given how out of control the situation is I think a cooling-off period is probably a good idea, just a couple of weeks to make sure people really want what they're being offered.
But we also need to create a society that puts less pressure on women to look "perfect" and to value themselves purely on their appearance. That means loads more "ordinary" women in the media, an end to air-brushing and an end to all that lad mag nonsense.
Text for you poor souls without earphones or speakers:
Starting with the biggest news of the day
Amy Winehouse has had her hair cut.More on that tomorrow, and every day for the next six weeks.
A very bad day for UK politics today.
Firstly the news that Schools secretary Ed Balls made something of a gaffe in the Commons when asked to list the colours of the rainbow.He apparently responded red, yellow, pink and green, purple and orange and blue when the correct answer is Why the fuck are we discussing this in the house of commons?Shouldn’t we be talking about important stuff like how to maintain the health service and how to bring peace to the middle east?
Secondly today is the day the government is going to quietly push through the formal approval for a huge slew of new nuclear power stations.It’s strange this because we’re essentially being told it’s our fault for wanting carbon emissions reduced.It’s like when you tell your mum you don’t like cabbage, hoping you’ll get extra pudding instead, but she replaces your cabbage with sprouts.We wanted fields of majestic windmills preferably all round Noel Edmonds house.Slight diversion but at the Centre for Alternative Technology in Wales there’s an area with a “range of opinions” on wind power and lots of celebs saying how much the planet will benefit from harnessing natural energy from the wind and in the middle is a quote from Noel Edmonds saying he thinks windmills are ugly.Ah the irony, cos I think Noel Edmonds is ugly.But I digress.The new power stations will all be built, most likely by EDF energy, a company whose media relations officer, I discovered in Private Eye this week – is Gordon Brown’s brother.Conflict of interest?What? Where? Dunno what you’re talking about.
Food
Yesterday the daily mail had a lengthy opinion piece poo-pooing campaigners against brutal battery chicken farms.Today their front page is horrified at the state of a horse farm in Buckinghamshire.The main difference between the two is that the chickens are sold in UK supermarkets while the horses are exported to be eaten by dirty French people.
Health
The front page of today’s Independent says that British dental care is the most expensive in Europe.They say the average filling in Hungary or Poland costs only £5 including x-ray, drugs and overheads while in the UK it costs £117 including x-ray, drugs and the dentist’s travel over from Hungary or Poland.
Another report in the Independent says a cloned pig whose genes were altered to make it glow green in the dark has passed on the trait to it’s young.They say the development could lead to the breeding of pigs for human transplant organs.I’m not sure that if I needed a transplant I’d want a luminous green one.Wouldn’t it keep you awake at night.Maybe it’s a solution to reducing energy usage, giving people a natural flashlight in one finger.Most frightening would be if you had an accident and needed a face transplant and woke up with a luminous pig-face.If you were the sort of person who was at risk of losing their face (I know I can never find my passport and my oyster card, usually got the face to hand though) you could keep a couple of pigs with your face pre-grown on in the garden – would sure be a talking point at dinner parties.
Education
The way in which secondary schools are measured is changing.Until last year they measured the percentage of students getting five or more Cs at GCSE.However now they have been instructed that the five GCSEs must include English, maths and science.This is to prevent the existing problem of schools boosting their performance by offering GCSEs in finger painting, making macaroni necklaces and eating play-doh.
The requirement for a science GCSE has caught out some faith schools including St Augustine’s Catholic School in Trowbridge who have seen their pass rate drop from 84% to 3%.Apparently the drawing a flow diagram of how Richard Dawkins should be burnt at the stake isn’t enough for the Cambridge Exam Board any more.
Foreign Affairs
Civil servant Derek Pasquill has been cleared of leaking damaging government documents.The information he was accused of letting slip was that the Iraq war was fuelling Muslim extremism in the UK.Luckily “stating the bloody obvious” isn’t illegal in the UK.I’m amazed it needs saying but just in case anyone doesn’t get it: Bombing the crap out of people doesn’t make them like you.
Arts
Jane Austin has been given a makeover for the cover of a book about her life.Apparently the only confirmed existing portrait of her just doesn’t give enough sizzle to shift copies.Hopefully when the impact on sales becomes apparent they’ll insist that for sleeve photos and press conferences Martin Amis wears a burqa.
I nearly did something amazing yesterday*. I went to give blood. Anyway it was rather exciting - I'd filled in all the forms, had my iron test (which I only just passed, must eat more green veg and liver I think) and hopped up onto the couch. Then the nurse put the needle in my arm - I am not at all squeamish so we were chatting away at this stage - and she turned round to get some other piece of equipment. While she wasn't looking the needle flew out onto the floor and my blood started spurting across the room. I've never seen blood really spurting before - quite a sight - a neat jet that went a good metre across the hall onto the floor, the bed, the nurse's cardigan and my hand and wrist too. Really Tarantino-esque!
The nurse told me in 21 years in the blood service she's never seen that happen before. As a result she and everyone else there spent about an hour apologising, checking I was ok and feeding me tea and ginger biscuits, which felt like a bit of a cheat considering everyone else there had given a pint of blood and I'd only given about 50ml onto the floor!
Don't be put off giving blood though -it's not painful and you're very well looked after. And in the once-in-21-year chance it does go a teeny bit wrong you'll look really tough and get tons of sympathy.**
* "Do something amazing today" is the slogan used to encourage people to give blood. ** That's really my bandaged arm pictured.
And on the request of a few people here is the text for those of you not shrewd enough to take a pair of earphones to work with you!!
UK Health
Want to take the day off work?The Health Protection Agency or HPA has done the biggest favour it can to those feeling hungover and not in the mood for going to work this week by announcing the spread of Norovirus – or Winter Vomitting Disease.Symptoms include vomiting and it being winter and medical advice is DON’T go to the doctors or the hospital to get a sick note ‘cause you’ll only spread it to others.Stay in bed, take a paracetamol and don’t go back to work until you’ve been feeling OK for two whole days – which for some people might be mid-february.The HPA says more than 100,000 people a week are coming down with the virus.Amazingly those affected are almost exclusively heavy drinkers stuck in jobs they hate working for right tossers.
Iowa Caucuses
The winners in the US yesterday were Barack Obama for the Democrats and Mike Huckabee for the Republicans.I made a brief joke yesterday about Obama being a bit young.Ha ha, very funny.Now lets talk about Mike Huckabee ...
In 1992 he suggested the US should “Treat AIDS as [a] plague to be isolated”, modern stuff, perhaps he would advocate AIDS pits or colonies or making sufferers ring a little bell wherever they go.
He describes himself as Pro-Life and Pro-Death Penalty.
He said he believes the Kyoto treaty was a mistake.
He says we shouldn’t limit oil production.
America should answer to it’s own constitution, not international law.
Compared genocide in Darfur to, as he calls it, infanticide of the unborn – or abortion.
More recently he said “People [are] naturally selfish; only God or punishment prevent it.”, weird when two of the biggest philanthropists in the US are atheists Warren Buffet and George Soros.Also there’s this bloke in the UK who’s an atheist too called Bob Geldof.
In Jan last year summed it up once and for all for me when he said “more bible, less blogs”.
I say once and for all – actually there was something he said very recently that I think was even more stupid. He suggested America should (direct quote) “Go after al Qaeda's safe havens in Pakistan.”.Feeling safe and comfortable now?Want to raise your kids in a world where America’s at war with Pakistan?Hmm ... better use a condom then.Although of course that’s going to be harder than you think since just for good measure Huckers favours abstinence only sex education in schools.
UK Politics
The government has been criticised for the way Home Information Packs were introduced.HIPs as they were called by people who clearly don’t know the first thing about what HIP means, were apparently delayed due to public opposition.Cause that’s awful – the government doing what the public wants – we’re not French you know!
HIPs which run up to 100 pages long are supposed to encourage energy efficiency and help to reduce carbon emissions.Probably the best way to do that would be to recycle it.The Royal Institute of Chartered Surveyors brought a legal action against the contents of the HIPs, which as a result may have to be phased out in favour of a new package hopefully to be called the HIP replacement.
Clearly the government has been caught on the HIP hop.OK that’s enough HIP puns, I feel a bit dizzy now.
China
Here the BBC has the rather brilliant headline “China to expand lethal injections” which seems a little odd – you would think as long as the dose was lethal increasing it would be a waste of time.In fact they are spreading it as an alternative to shooting people in the back of the head.They say it is “more humane” but surely just NOT KILLING PEOPLE would be top of the old humane pops.
Confusingly in the US two death row inmates are bringing a case against the lethal injection because they say it is inhumane.Now to explain – the injection causes paralysis followed by possibly very painful death, undetectable to onlookers because of the paralysis.Yuck.And people moan about the Chinese eating the odd little fluffy puppy!
Amnesty Intl says the Chinese authorities kill at least 1000 people a year with injections – making Harold Shipman look like a rank amateur.Crimes that carry the death penalty include tax fraud and embezzlement.Imagine that – executing Jeffrey Archer.Mmmm.Now stop touching yourself.
Facebook
Two fake profiles of Benazir Bhutto’s son Bilawal have been removed from Facebook.Administrators realised the profiles were fake when they failed to respond to a FunWall post reading “Forward this to all your friends or a puppy will feel sad”. In recent activity the profiles had poked president Musharraf and thrown a custard pie at Sonia Gandhi.
Facebook officials said they didn’t know who had posted the profiles but they did know where they bought their Christmas presents and the ages of their children.A spokeswoman – quite genuinely – said that while people could be barred from Facebook there was nothing to stop them posting under a different name.Luckily no international criminal mastermind has ever thought of the old false name ruse so we’re all safe.
Great article on Alternet today about the US health system - pointing out what a terrible idea it is to let pharmaceutical companies advertise on TV in the US. The numbers they don't include - and I don't remember but I know they're in the film Sicko are how the US spends a great deal more per head on healthcare than many countries who have universal healthcare. Taking adverts off TV (and other mediums) would surely help scale back the numbers of people dosing up on things they really don't need and actually making themselves worse by stacking their system with needless drugs.
Fortunately so far in the UK we don't have adverts for prescription drugs - we do have adverts for painkillers and off-the-shelf or over-the-counter drugs. I think even these should be taken off - people shouldn't be telling their pharmacist what they want, years ago you went to the chemists and asked what they had for your condition, these days people go in with a brand name in mind.
There is a new documentary coming up about young carers - children who look after their own parents and households as well as trying to keep up with their school work. The documentary, or at least what I can see from the trailer is about how these kids manage it. The bigger question for me is why we're allowing this to happen in our society. In the trailer there is a brief moment when Melissa - 12 and a carer for her mother who has serious mental health problems and serious mobility problems - says "we tried to get help from social services but they wouldn't do anything".
Why not? What is the point of social services if they don't intervene in cases like this? Basically they've worked out that young children don't know any better and won't make a fuss if they're told that they have to do all the work, so they don't do anything because they can get away with not doing anything. I suspect, I should add, that the actual people who work at SS are run of their feet, but the issue is they don't have enough staff and resources.
1) If women get pregnant, they can get an abortion. 2) That abortion will be free, regardless of whether they are seeking asylum or are illegal immigrants to the UK, and any follow-up treatment will also be free. 3) All information about them and their consultation will be kept confidential from everyone - including their families and their community leaders. 4) That free impartial counseling is available to them before and after they make their decision. 5) All school girls are taught what their rights are as a part of comprehensive compulsory sex education, whether that be in a state school, a faith school, a private school or at home.
