Another recommendation for my show!

Those highly discerning folks at Scotsgay magazine have listed me as one of the top 100 shows to see in Edinburgh.  I''m number 75, but they're listed in order of time so you don't have to go see the other 74 first, you can just come see me right away!!  They say:

"75. 8:20pm. The News at Kate 2012. Comedy. Ciao Roma/4-25 Aug (not 14). FREE.

The News at Kate used to be one of those shows that seemed far too good for the Free Fringe – then the Free Fringe got really, really good.  Kate Smurthwaite’s annual satirical show returns for another year in which she explores ‘the news, being in the news, and being on the news’."

I'm off to the Fringe very soon so if you want to follow my progress please switch over to my Fringe blog The News At Kate. But non-fringe-y stuff will still be here, it's just so those not coming to or interested in the fringe don't get dozens of posts about shows I'm doing up there (last year 93 in three and a half weeks!).

Edinburgh Last Night (or the night before)

Also discovered a little clip of me performing and then chatting at Edinburgh Tonight with Joe Simmons and Lorraine Chase in August. And my mum is in the audience and gets to join in too.

Edinburgh 2011

Hello readers - so I'm up and running again at the 2011 Edinburgh Fringe. All the info on my shows and what I'm up to Fringe wise will be over at my News At Kate blog here. Please follow that blog if you're coming up to the Fringe or suggest it to friends who might be interested. Thanks.

The News At Cru

I'm up in Edinburgh now and the first of my shows start tomorrow so I'll be blogging about the Fringe and comedy over at my News At Kate blog. If you're coming to the festival or interested in comedy please have a look at that blog for all my shows and news and come see me while you're here! If not expect a quiet period for about three weeks.

Update From Here

Well the police have rung me twice now. Both times to mostly reconfirm details I already gave them and tell me things I already know. They have however finally established the case number for the last time this lowlife was harrassing me so there is some hope of finding out what happened last time in a few days. They also sent me a leaflet about home security - cos it's well known that if you fit window locks no-one will text you and threaten to kill you...or something. Nice to feel like I'm getting a personalised service.

I was away for the weekend in Edinburgh - gorgeous place, makes me wonder why on earth I live in London - which was nice because I knew that said lowlife didn't know where I was so I wasn't looking over my shoulder all the time.

Back now and busy with interviews. There is a report out showing that just over 5,000 teenage girls and women had repeat abortions last year (i.e. their second or more). Now representing, as it does, less than a quarter of a percent of teenage girls and women in the UK, it seems to me the need for shock and alarm is being a little over-played by, ooh, who could it be? ... did you guess? Yes the pro-choice alliance!

Well what do the numbers tell us? Not much really. Either the number of unwanted teenage pregnancies is on the rise (which would be maybe bad, but not necessarily depending on the age of the teenagers and the consentuality of the sex and the level of understanding of contraceptive use - you know a nineteen-year-old in a happy equal relationship using contraception which fails doesn't worry me) or the percentage of teenagers who want an abortion succeeding in getting one has risen (and that would definitely be good - for them, their physical and mental health and their human rights).

I think any focus on the number of abortions taking place is just dumb. The right number of abortions is one for every woman who wants one. The factors which affect the number of unwanted pregnancies - things like sex education and services working to end rape and sexual violence as well as support for women chosing to continue their pregnancy - can and should be addressed. The number of abortions or repeat abortions or teenage abortions is just a number. Apparently last year it was a bit over 5,000. Excuse me while I remain calm.

Argh! And Another Thing...!!

Last night I went to bed angry about The Fix magazine's sexist "Top 50 acts to see at the Fringe" article. In the middle of the night I woke up screaming (quite quietly) having spun the list round in my head and realised something else. From their top 50 acts:

1) 99% white. Pat Monahan has an Iranian parent, other than that all acts and all members of all sketch acts listed were white.

2) I think 98% straight. Of course not everyone puts their sexual orientation on their flyer so I can't be certain but I think Simon Amstell is the only openly gay act listed. And no - out of three female acts they didn't manage to find a lesbian, although statistically that's not surprising.

3) 99.8% able-bodied. I am giving a teeny tiny credit to their choice of Simon Munnery who has problems using one of his hands.

4) 100% cissexual.

And this magazine has as the first word at the top left of the front cover "ALTERNATIVE". Alternative to what exactly? Alternative to equality, alternative to progress, alternative to open-minded?

Spit, spit, spit...

[To begin redressing the balance I have included a flyer from the brilliant Bethany Black - who describes herself as "Britain's favourite goth, lesbian, transsexual stand-up comedian" - you should go see her at the Underbelly soon. And come see my show too.]

OK, Who's Up For A Riot?

I am. There is a magazine about comedy that posits itself as "new" and "hip" called The Fix. Editor Harry Deansway offers us in this edition a run-down of the 50 best acts in Edinburgh, broken down into different categories, each with an explanatory subtitle. And here's who he picks...

Sketch comedy - This is where 2-6 people perform sketches, sometimes with music - 3 all-male groups and 2 mixed groups.

Stand-Up - You know what this is; one man, one microphone and some jokes - 6 men

Hot new talent - Impress friends and family by saying you saw them before they were famous - 6 men

Musical comedy and character acts - Hey, who are these crazy characters???????? - 5 men, one male double-act and one mixed double act

Acts The Fix owes money to - We especially encourage you to see these acts, if for no other reason than to ease the guilt we feel - one man and one all-male sketch group

Modern - Hey man, that comedian just plugged a projector up his arse! You've got to go see this! - 8 men

Veterans - They'll be dead soon, or too rich to come up to Edinburgh any more - 7 men

Women - Well, you've got to let them have a go, haven't you? - 2 women and one female double-act

Something a bit different - Not interested in hearing a man talk for an hour about how small his penis is and why his girlfriend left him? Try some of this weird shit - 5 men

I'm not making this up - it starts on page 37 here.

Of course you may tell me that the comments are intended to be an ironic joke but it's having a direct impact on the careers of women at the fringe. I have had copies of this magazine thrust into my hands several times in the last few days and like most people will have done I flicked through and had I been in a position to visit shows I might well have taken a recommendation or two out of there without noticing that only 6% of recommendations are female acts and a further 6% are mixed groups. I don't know exactly the breakdown of shows by performer gender but I'm pretty sure that's not a fair representation. So female acts are going to be getting less audience as a direct result of his noxious "joke".

Actually if you read more of the mag it's loaded with misogyny. The Editor's letter includes lines like this: "A comedian is the type of person who will say they are not having sex with your girlfriend whilst your mum is giving them a blowjob under the table. That's the sort of person we are dealing with - egomaniacs so mentally unstable that if they thought it was in the best interests of their "career", they would cut off their penis, stick it onto their forehead, and call themselves Dave The Amazing Dickhead." Which of course is supposed to be funny but is also clearly letting us all know that a comedian has a dick, not a vagina...

The mag also contains an advert for it's own online website (on p16 & 17 if you opened the link) with the slogan "NEW FIX WEB-SITE AT LAST ANOTHER REASON TO USE THE INTERNET" next to a "screenshot" of very graphic pornographic images of women.

Of course the magazine is funded by a ton of comedians buying adverts who desperately want to drag extra punters into their shows. The BBC is also an advertiser (p36) as are City Circle Coach Hire (p41), The Pleasance (p13) and Absolute Radio (p7).

I don't have a particular idea what I'm going to do, but please get in touch if you have any ideas, I really think after all the effort put into the female comics photo-shoot we can't let them get away with this.

Political News From The Fringe

Posted over on The News At Kate blog.

Edinburgh Nights

By the way I'm not going to go on and on about my Edinburgh show on here. So I've set up a side-blog for me to ramble about that over here. If anything seems to be especially about women in the arts or whatever I'll cross post.

An Engaging and Witty Performance

Had a rather lovely review (of my solo show Apes Like Me) from one4review.com. You may read it here. If you are headed to Edinburgh you may buy tickets for my "educomedy" performance here.

I have also found the link to the enthusiastic review of my Comedy Manifesto show from Fringe Report. That show is free to get in so you won't need a ticket.

Do come and say "hi" if you make it. Has been great to meet several blog readers (and recruit some new ones) already this fest.

Independent Cru!

A short story about me appears in the Independent's "festival diary" today. It's pretty self-explanatory.

Two Snippets

Too busy for "real" blogging but a couple of interesting things.

1) Did a Radio Five Live discussion this morning with the truly dreadful Lynette Burrows. We were responding to news (against all odds in a rather reasonable article in the Telegraph) that courts have overturned a decision by the Criminal Injuries Compensation Authority to reduce compensation payouts to rape victims by 25% if they had been drinking. Needless to say Lynette was full of wisdom on the subject insisting there must be a "culpability factor" for women who get drunk and go about with their "bosoms hanging out". She also likened the situation to that of drunk-drivers who kill people...? Weird considering the people being penalised for being drunk in that scenario are the culprits, rather than the victims! Anyway it all got rather heated. Lynette also suggested that once a woman has consented to sex she cannot ever withdraw that consent which is (a) legally not the case and (b) a frightening idea. She added that she "didn't believe" that as many as 1 in 20 women in the UK had been raped (statistics suggesting it is much worse than that can be found here). So much to argue with, what worries me is why the BBC allows voices like hers on national radio - it legitimises her wrong and offensive opinions.

2) Bad language. Yesterday a family came to my show with two kids aged 9 and 11. As they arrived my marketing team had a quick word with them to check that they knew the show would contain swearing and talk about sex. They were cool with that. Once the audience had come in I told them not to worry about there being kids in, that I had checked with the parents and that we would be swearing and this wasn't a problem. Then I got on with the show. Two guys arrived late and crept in at the back having missed that. After the show they angrily marched up to me and berated me for using the word "cunt" (the word appears in my show exactly once). I explained of course that we'd discussed it before they'd arrived thinking this would calm them down. Amazingly they stayed angry and insisted that I should have used the word "twat" instead...? I personally like the word "cunt" as I have expounded at length on this blog before, but it gave me an excuse to look up the etymology of "twat" and I am delighted to report that it derives from the Old English from the Northern English from the Viking "thwaite" meaning a small clearing in a forrest (rather picturesque I think you'll agree). "Thwaite" of course is the second half of my viking surname, the first half being "Smur", which means light rain (still used here in Scotland in some places) so I now have the joy of translating my surname as "rainy cunt" or even maybe "wet cunt"! This makes me very happy indeed, which I am sure is not what the petition-starters wanted...

Festival Update

Phew! Well obviously not a spare second for blogging in August but here's a quick update from the festival. Shows going well. My solo effort Apes Like Me (7pm C soco Urban Garden tickets here) took a bit of adjusting. The venue, though technically a tent feels a bit too much like a theatre for my liking and people at least to start with were arriving expecting me to recite a well-learnt script, not leap off the stage and start wandering about asking them about themselves and so on. But I've given it a few tweaks to include a bit more script and at least warn people before I get into the crowd too far.

The surprise hit of the festival has been The Comedy Manifesto. At 4pm at the Beehive on Grassmarket I wasn't sure we'd get an audience at all for a topical news panel show. But following a rave review from Fringe Report we've been standing room only most days! It's free to get in, which helps, but some people have been back several times. Must update the show more often!!

Far too busy to see any of the other stuff that's on so far but seems like it's going well and most people not complaining about the credit crunch, etc too much. If you're a reader and are coming to the show(s) please hang around after and say hi - I love to meet readers!!

Fest Fever

In case anyone hadn't heard - my solo Edinburgh show Apes Like Me opens tomorrow 7pm C Soco Urban Garden and you can buy tickets right here.

Coming To The Edinburgh Festival?

Tickets for my solo Edinburgh show Apes Like Me are now available online. Just click here. It's about evolution and our relatives the Orang-Utans, Gorillas, Chimps and Bonobos and about how much I hate creationists! I am also in several other shows but this is (a) my main show and (b) the only one you can book in advance for. Hence why I'm mentioning it now. It's not suitable for small kids but smart teenagers would be most welcome.

If you've never been to the Edinburgh Festival I can only say it's amazing, you should definitely go once in your lifetime. My show is just one of around 6,000 comedy, theatre, music, arts, literature and all kinds of other shows. For pretty much the whole month of August the streets will be packed with performers and festival-goers. Book now for this year though especially for accommodation. And see you there!

Post Festival Blog Part 3 - The Awards

Now I know in writing this I am opening myself up to a slew of "you're just jealous" comments but seriously with thousands of comedy shows in Edinburgh and basically one main award, it's not something that I spend a lot of time worrying about. Yes I'd love an award, maybe not this one.

The main comedy awards are the If.comeddies. They used to be known as the Perrier(s). There are essentially three awards, a main award, a best newcomer award and an award for "spirit of the fringe".

The "spirit of the fringe" goes to someone who's doing something very new and exciting, not a straightforward comedy show. This year it went to an art exhibition of works by comedians, last year it went to Mark Watson who broke the world record for the longest ever comedy show.
Best newcomer is for someone doing their first show - I don't know the guy who won the best newcomer, so I won't comment, good luck to him.

The guy who won the main award was Brendon Burns. His show "So I Suppose This Is Offensive Now?" was advertised with a poster which featured him "blacked up" with a grass skirt and a bone through his nose, then in a wheelchair, mouth open and arms curled up, then on a cross and in a dress (I don't really see what's offensive about a man wearing a dress, and I'm not that bothered by him on a cross either, anyhow tired of trying to describe it I've just put it up at the top of the post).

I've seen Brendon before and I find his material offensive. Nasty, aggressive and offensive. Here's a typical joke (from a video on YouTube so I assume not one he is bothered about keeping for his set any more) "Why do gay guys have so much more money than lesbians? Because they don't have girlfriends! ...see you thought I was going to be homophobic, but I wasn't, I was being sexist".

This year's show I didn't see, but some friends of mine did and reliably inform me that the first 45 minutes were plain unadulterated offensive stuff, attacking racial groups, disabled people, gay people and women. The last part of the show is a "clever twist" where he announces he's not really racist, homophobic or sexist at all and that it's all a big joke. The show also features semi-naked women dancing on stage.

To me that feels like those terrible "documentaries about the porn industry" shown on late night channels that aren't really supposed to be showing porn but know full well that no-one is watching for educational reasons. It doesn't really matter to me what the silly justification for the show is, the fact remains that the first 45 minutes are a frenzy of hate-mongering. Surely this isn't the cutting edge of modern comedy? One commenter on the Chortle website - who had loved the show said "...you get to see slutty dancers and not feel guilty". Why not just give the award to Jim Davidson - at least he has the guts to admit he hates women, disabled people, gay people, ethnic minorities...

All of which left me wondering how an awards system which should be there to highlight the great and the good, the ground-breaking, the innovative and truly funny could end up promoting this sort of thing. And the answer, thanks to painstaking hours of research over here at Cru-blog is (at least partly) - the judges! One of the judges is the programming director of Nuts TV.

Let me say that again in case you thought you were hallucinating...

ONE OF THE JUDGES (for a comedy award) IS THE PROGRAMMING DIRECTOR OF NUTS TV.

Nuts TV, which launches in a few days is the TV spin-off of Nuts magazine and the channel promises to offer: topless model Lucy Pinder reading a Book at Bedtime, a daily Rude New digest of ‘the least important global stories’ and a hunt for Britain's Fittest Barmaid.

In fact the channel has also recruited two circuit comics to be it's new presenters.

I feel as though MY industry is being co-opted in to the lad mags market. Soon people will be asking why I don't perform naked (sorry - I have already been asked that live on Sky Travel TV) and offered radio work only if I show up to the studio naked (that has happened too actually - no thanks, James Whale).

Well comedy doesn't have to be part of the "lad" scene, there is another way... watch this space for a gig list soon and hopefully a DVD coming out!

Post Festival Blog Part 2 - The Guests

The other thing we did with our show in Edinburgh was to invite a special guest every day to join us for a song called The Threesome Song! The guests were picked from all over the festival and invited to come up with inappropriate things to say during a threesome. Here were some of our favourites (warning, some are in what might be considered bad taste, don't read them if you're easily offended):

Previews:
Paul Kerensa (pictured) - "Menage a trois? No - I ordered a Stella Artois"
"Just updating my facebook status: Paul Kerensa is having a threesome"
Carey Marx - "Sorry guys the drugs have worn off, I'm going"
Chris Coltrane - "Six across, nine letters, german persecution of the Jews"
"Oh of course - holocaust, how stupid of me"

Edinburgh:
4th - Nikki from the Dirty Yanks - "Advert? What advert? I came round to read the meter"
5th - Mike Belgrade - "When do we start drinking blood?"
6th - Karl Edrick - "Surely at least one of us should be a girl?"
7th - Leanne Stott - "Who's dick is this and how did it get there?"
8th - Helen Terry - "Can we hurry up? My mum'll be here in a minute"
9th - Brian Lacey - "Can we hurry up? I need to get back to Madelaine"
10th - Luke McQueen - "Good news guys, my AIDS test results were positive..."
11th - Liane Ross - "Next time we do this can I bring my friend John Prescott"
13th - Debra Francis-White - "Oh you're David and Kate, I wanted David and Victoria"
14th - Lenny Peters - "Move over little fella, my turn now"
15th - Tomi Walamies - "Sorry David, for a minute there I thought you were the girl"
16th - Liz Carr - "Is it ok if my carer watches?"
"Can I go on top, I hope you don't mind tyre tracks"
17th - Jane Bostock - "Is it ok if MY carer watches?"
18th - Rob Tarbuck - "NOOO! I said G diminished seventh"
20th - Yianni - "You know you two look the same from behind"
21st - David Whitney - "Didn't we go to school together?"
22nd - poor Phil Buckley was ill so the job was filled by Andy the random audience member who managed to improvise the line "I knew you had a brazilian Kate, but David..." impressive!
23rd - PBH - "Is there a rota, I think it's my turn"
24th - David Meech - "Kate you can either hold the camera or you can go and make us some tea"
25th - Andrew Watts - "ok, why don't I show you how it's done?"

Post Festival Blog Part 1 - The Reviews

Long Time No Blog. Sorry about that, been away at the Edinburgh festival doing anything up to 6 or 7 shows a day so not really had time to do much. Got quite a few things to say about our experiences up there. Firstly- the reviews for our show Sing-Along-A-The-Joy-Of-Sex - we had some great audiences, some people came three times! These were the reviews:

ThreeWeeks:

"When you're given a song sheet at the start of the show, you kind of expect the titles of said songs to be themed around God, Jesus and tales of yore, and not threesomes, chat-up lines and sex accidents. Which means watching merry men have such a good time singing about the naughty business will make you either a, sing along, or b, crawl under your seat and die. Though if the latter is the case you probably shouldn't have gone to this show in the first place - the clue is kind of in the title. If the former is you, then you'll find this show good fun. It's a great hour to pass the time with, if you know what I mean - wink wink."

Fresh Air FM (The festival radio station):

"Comedians Kate Smurthwaite and David Mulholland present an hour of songs and laughs about sex, relationships and err..sex! David and Kate tell their tales and sing songs about cheesy chat up lines, things learned about sex after you leave school, threesomes and other such practices in a way that leaves you wanting more.

The songs are actually funny and truthful, and Kate’s ability to speak fast yet clearly (she does voiceovers for banks, insurance etc) is put to the test on the final song when they cram in everything they couldn’t fit into the show proper! Song sheets are provided for the audience and singing is actively encouraged: you’ll be singing along in no time.

Wonderful laugh out loud and sing-along fun. Go and see them and discover the song they cut out from ‘My Fair Lady’, you’ll never look at Audrey Hepburn in the same light again!****"

And the public (on edfringe.com, everyone who reviewed us gave us 5 stars, these were a couple of the ones I liked best):

Best thing I've seen and it's free! 25 Aug 2007 reviewer: Karen Richards, United Kingdom

I've paid good money to watch shows with a lot let professionalism and a lot less laughs than this. We were singing along in no time - when we could manage it between laughing our heads off. The music is great too, Kate has an exceptional voice.

Great start to the night 15 Aug 2007 reviewer: Dot , Australia This is a brilliant show, better than a lot you'll pay to see. It's funny, relaxed and personal and even has lyric sheets so you can join in. What more could you want? What a brilliant show and its FREE!!! 14 Aug 2007 reviewer: Nicola Smith, United Kingdom Took a gamble with the title and was plesantly surprised. This show was FAB!!! Two people singing dodgy songs they'd written about sex and at certian points getting us to join in with them - it was a great start to our evening and went very well with our drinks!!! Go see it, it would be a crime to miss it!!!

Apes Like Me

Thanks very much to everyone who came to see my one-off solo show Apes Like Me. We were rammed!! I really enjoyed doing the show. I discovered afterwards we had an evolutionary biologist in the second row who complimented me on my factual accuracy which was very flattering and we saw lots of people leaving the venue still labeled up as chimps and orang-utans (you would need to have been there to understand why!) so hopefully they got some funny looks later.

Something for Free

Ricky Gervais is apparently charging £37.50 for tickets to his Edinburgh show. Some people think this is too much. If you're one of them try this for price-range instead: FREE! Absolutely free. Sing-Along-A-The-Joy-Of-Sex, 7.20 pm nightly (not Sundays) at the Mercat Bar (Venue 282 in the guide). Third show today went really well - some of the audience told us they're going to come again! And the barman said we were the best show in the venue (sorry everyone else at the Mercat!).