Dear Money Advice Service

You may all have seen the expensive television adverts urging members of the public worried about their finances to contact the government's free independent Money Advice Service. So I did...

"Hi, I'm wondering if you can help me. My friend runs a money-lending business that is badly managed and has been giving money to people who can't afford to pay it back and ripping people off with fees and so on. He's going bankrupt so I offered to give him £10,000 to help him out. To save the money I'm planning to stop giving £2 a week to my disabled friend who has two small children to raise on her own. Is this a good idea? Many thanks Kate"

I'll let you know if they get back to me.

Column in Management Today

I had a little column published in Management Today about me and the comedy circuit. It's part of a bigger article about the business of comedy and how money is made, etc. I am mostly excited about being cartoon-ised!! But if you click on it you get a bigger version and you can read what I wrote too.

How Women Will Survive The Recession

According to The Guardian, via The F-Word, the Equalities and Human Rights Commission is about to recommend holding off on bringing in equal pay audits in the UK because the "economic climate is too fragile".

So great news for the women of Britain, we're expected to survive the economic crisis on 17% less than our male counterparts (20% for ethnic minority women, 36% for part time workers, 45% for part time workers in London)? How exactly is that reasonable? Every time I open the paper I read about single mothers and how they should be working, but how exactly are you supposed to raise three kids on 45% less than equivalent male pay in an recession while the CSA don't bother to pursue your ex-partner for support? Although some supposedly serious newspapers are suggesting you can beat the credit crunch by turning to prostitution!

So here's a better idea for all those in government blatantly unable to think of one. Let's criminalise men who pay for sex - punishable with a steep fine. And use the money to help follow up on measures to bring about equal pay for women and quality childcare available to all lone parents. How do I keep having these great ideas...?

How (Not) To Marry A Millionaire

This article has so much wrong with it it's hard to know where to start. But lets run in the order the article says these things.

Firstly a survey reveals 75% of women say they "would marry for money". Now that's not much of a statistic because we don't know:

1) How much money - millions? billions? a tenner?
2) How much compromise they would make for this money? Would they have to like the guy too? Fancy him?
3) How poor were they to start with? I mean sure I'd marry for money rather than watch myself and my own kids starve. Who wouldn't?

But lets go along with the number anyway. Now Karen Barichievy, our resident expert, explains that she dated a rich guy for four years. And based on her survey of, erm, one rich guy she informs us that they all don't like to go out and party. In fact "for nearly four years I had a 10pm curfew. My (now ex) banker boyfriend insisted on it.". Curfew? that ain't a boyfriend - that's a slave-owner.

She continues to expand on what all wealthy men are like based on her survey of, as I mentioned, only one such man. They have a limited sex drive, are anally retentive about household organisation and wear CK undies and Patek watches. So now you know. Then apparently they'll take you on flash holidays and ignore you in favour of chatting away on a Blackberry the whole time. Anyone think Ms Barichievy's boyfriend just didn't really like her all that much?

Eventually she realised that "such men will always love their money and their jobs more than you". Another bold conclusion on the basis of a single specimen. In defence/critique of men both rich and poor... Some poor guys might love their Playstation more than they love you, or their Internet porn. And some rich guys might love you, and you might actually be the kind of person who gives their partner enough space to have a career as well as a relationship.

Having "realised" this our unlikely heroine joined a dating agency for millionaires (against her own declared interest) and was disappointed to find that the guys she was introduced to weren't a great match for her hobbies and interests - which after all her puff about how rich guys like to be tidy and organised included "spit and sawdust pubs and camping". Except that she'd already insisted on one big criteria - she only wanted to meet millionaires. Maybe the problem was this: the average dating agency doesn't have thousands of clients - they have to introduce you to someone.

I've always thought the best plan was to make money myself, rather than trying to date it out of people. But I can sympathise with people - guys or girls - who consider it a bonus in a potential partner, who wants to be penniless? Of course Ms Barichievy knows this herself - presumably why she's writing piffle easy-to-sell articles for The Times.