Tuesday, October 11, 2005

Possible typos in the word of God...

Fantastic article in the Times, highlighted to me by fellow blogger Stephen Newton. The church has decided to let people know that it thinks there are a few minor errors in the text of the bible. You know the bible? Yeah the book their whole religion is supposed to be based on. So don't read the book, just listen to us and we'll tell you which bits we think apply. The word of God is all very well but you'd be better off listening to the word of a bunch of self-appointed "holy" men.

Anyway here are some of the key points:

1) Good news for women, we are no longer to be "ruled over" by our husbands. Bad news for generations of women before us who were taking that bit literally when God really wanted them to be liberated. Of course we're still not ready to be ordained, but progress is progress eh?

2) Creationism, that's not true any more. Neither version. All that un-scientific nonsense is to be scrapped. Good news all round.

3) The virgin birth and the physical resurrection from the dead of Jesus. These are apparently true still. So some un-scientific nonsense is being kept. The earth isn't flat any more and it wasn't made in 7 days but God can still raise the dead and impregnate virgins.

4) The ten commandments. We're keeping those, in spite of their inadequacies. For starters they're totally contradictory. "No other Gods but me" and "Honour thy father and thy mother". What if your parents are Muslim/Hindu/Shinto and want you to worship their God(s). Or indeed "Respect the sabbath and keep it holy". What if they're atheists who run a Post Office and want you to man the till on a Sunday? Also the fact that God never bothered to include one about not playing noisily with your Game-Boy on public transport...

5) Sermon on the mount. That's still true. The meek are still getting the earth. Go the meek! I'm not sure the meek want the earth.

6) Revelations. All false. The whole thing's rubbish apparently. Lakes of sulphur, horsemen of the apocalypse, all that fun stuff is going. Wonder why we ever had that book in the first place. They must have had some real good hallucinogens back in those days.

Speaking of Revelations. I was at a pub quiz a few month back and one of the questions was "Who are Pestilence, War, Famine and Death?" and my mate suggested "The Queen's corgis?". Hahaha.

3 comments:

Iceman said...

The article also says "There are over 12 million children in the UK and only 756,000 of them go to church regularly." Maybe the church finally realizes that the number of Britons who are willing to suspend all rational thought and instead believe every word of dubious books from thousands of years ago is rapidly shrinking, and getting rid of the most unreasonable beliefs is their only hope to retain any relevance in the modern world.

"Good news for women, we are no longer to be "ruled over" by our husbands."

Let's see a bloke just try to rule over Cruella!

"Also the fact that God never bothered to include one about not playing noisily with your Game-Boy on public transport..."

You've been to Japan, where many men look at porno mags on public transit!

"Sermon on the mount. That's still true. The meek are still getting the earth. Go the meek! I'm not sure the meek want the earth."

In most religious denominations, the meek only inherit the earth if they agree to suffer passively and don't actually do anything to organize politically or socially to obtain a better life.

"Revelations. All false. The whole thing's rubbish apparently. Lakes of sulphur, horsemen of the apocalypse, all that fun stuff is going."

That was the only good part! Like I give a shit about who begat who and ten prophets that all say the same thing!

"I was at a pub quiz a few month back and one of the questions was "Who are Pestilence, War, Famine and Death?"

George Bush's to-do list?

Cruella said...

Heh, good points. Yes the situation in Japan got so bad that they now have women-only carriages on most trains. In fact they've had them for a while but only on festival nights like new year's eve when people would be drunk and behave badly. Recently they've started having them on most trains I believe.

Shaula Evans said...

Okay, I really laughed out loud about the Queen's corgi's.

I used to work in Japan as well. (Dozo yoroshiku) You are correct about the all-season, girls-only transit cars: http://tsuredzuregusa.blogspot.com/2005/05/no-womans-land.html