The Daily Fail is celebrating the jubilee by giving me an excuse to air a little rage. Even for them this is funny. It's called "'Promiscuity, divorce and separation are at epidemic proportions,’ warns bishop in Jubilee address". So here's a little line-by-line for y'all:
"Promiscuity, separation and divorce are at 'epidemic' proportions, a senior Church of England bishop has warned as he called for Britain to use the Queen’s Diamond Jubilee as an opportunity to reflect and reassess values."
Yeah people woke up and smelt the secular coffee! Turns out there is no God, and therefore no reason to regard sex for pleasure as a bad thing, nor to persist with relationships after it has become apparent they're not working.
"The Rt Rev Richard Chartres, Bishop of London, writing in a Bible Society pamphlet about the origins of the word jubilee, said Britain was now an 'enormously different' society compared to 1952 - the year of the Queen’s accession to the throne - and in 'so many ways' a better place to live."
Yeah a much better place, for example all the jobs which used to be men-only are now open to women too, except the marine commandos and, what's that other one, oh yeah - being a fucking bishop like he is.
"But he said inequality had grown and material progress had been at the expense of communal life with relationships within families, communities and society 'more strained, more fragile' and more broken than people cared to recognise."
Monetary inequality may well have grown but equality for gay and lesbian people is now a legal standard across our society except, oh what's that one thing, oh marriage. And who is is who keeps fighting against gay and lesbian marriage? Oh yeah - the homophobic churches. Bastards.
"'Literally millions of children grow up without knowing a stable, loving, secure family life - and that is not to count the hundreds of thousands more who don’t even make it out of the womb each year,' he said."
Yes your evil God does cause a lot of miscarriages doesn't he? Perhaps it's time you stopped praying to him and started paying to have folic acid capsules and other scientifically-proven ways of reducing miscarriages provided to pregnant women?
"'Promiscuity, separation and divorce have reached epidemic proportions in our society.
'Perhaps, then, we shouldn’t be surprised that depression and the prescription of anti-depressants has reached a similarly epidemic level.'"
Yeah we're definitely not as happy a society as we were when we made small children climb chimneys to clean them and half the population had plague. Or maybe we're a bit more open about mental health problems now that people who admit to them don't get burnt as witches quite so much by, oh who is it, your stupid fucking church!
"In his pamphlet, Dr Chartres said the Diamond Jubilee was not only a time to reflect on the Queen’s 'extraordinary' reign but also a chance to 'rebalance the scales' in society and focus on how we can 'reset' the situation."
Reset the situation? Do you mean "roll back decades of progress" or do you mean "go back to the good old days when people actually believed in God and your job wasn't a pointless waste of time"?
"Dr Chartres said the Biblical meaning of the word jubilee was a reminder of the need to take the 'long view' and to take into account the environment for future generations. It should also mean an end to the 'crippling debt economy' and a move to living within our means, he added."
Seriously? The bible is telling us to reduce our national debt? Which verse is that? I wonder what his view is on dropping the top rate of tax? Is our holy mythical overlord a believer in the long discredited Laffer curve?
"Dr Chartres also called for action to tackle 'depressingly high' youth unemployment in Britain.
'The extent of youth unemployment is appalling. The waste of human talent is unsustainable morally and economically,' he said."
Yes I hate to see human beings whose time and effort is wasted in unproductive activity that contributes nothing to society. I'm going to pray about that.
"We should not simply look to government for a solution but look to our communities for role models and mentors to encourage, challenge and enthuse those who are in danger of losing hope.'"
Yeah we need role models. How about a guy who deliberately chooses to believe irrational unscientific lies and is rewarded for this with access to our political leadership? That doesn't really fill me with hope.
"Dr Chartres praised the 'quiet dignity' of the Queen and the way she and her family had reached out to include newly established British communities."
Well yes the Queen has expressed her "quiet dignity" by not biting the hand that feeds her and nodding along with what "her" government does even when it's leaving people in crippling poverty.
"'We have changed profoundly as a country in the 60 years of the Queen’s reign. We have bade farewell to Empire abroad and moved into a new multicultural reality at home,' he said."
Also we invented the vajazzle. I'm getting the crown jewels vajazzled onto my crown jewels. What is the point here?
"'The demise of the old world and the arrival of the new has involved sometimes painful adjustments."
Sure thing. Also quite a lot of really nice holidays though.
"'The quiet dignity of the Queen and the way in which she and her family have reached out to include newly established British communities has provided a focus for continuing but expanding national self-respect and so has assisted the peaceful transformation of our national identity.'"
No the identity of the nation has changed all on it's own, thanks to modern British people. The Queen has never been at the vanguard of that, she's always been running along behind, trying to keep up with her overtly racist husband.
He added: 'Her Majesty enjoys widespread and profound popularity across the British people, and beyond.
Considering the massive PR machine she is promoted by, she's remarkably unpopular.
"'Not only is she quite simply the most famous public figure on earth but she is also the most respected.'"
Really? More respected than Nelson Mandela? The woman who was queen of South Africa as apartheid was brought in? How ridiculous.
The truth is while Mandela spoke out about injustice and was prepared to suffer the gruelling consequences, the queen's "quiet dignity" is exactly what has allowed her to keep living a life of outlandish luxury and continues to allow pointless people like this idiot to leap on the bandwagon and use her to promote their own political agenda. Like dishing out celestial advice on economic policy and criticising people who have and enjoy the healthy and joyous experience that is sex for pleasure!