Actually since I have to wear make-up to work (onstage even guys usually wear make-up otherwise you end up looking really pale and ill) maybe I should give tips:
Translucent foundation to even out the skin and hide spots I've picked.
Dull-coloured blusher to fake a shadow under the cheek bones, little bit of highlighter on top.
Dark eyeshadow round the outside end of the eyes, lighter round the inside and really light white/cream up under the eyebrows.
Tons of mascara, just keep going.
That lipstick that comes with two tubes in a box and one is the colour and the other tube is the gloss. Only thing is this stuff is the devil to get off so extra-powerful remover needed.
Or better still get yourself a TV interview right before your show and then they'll do your make-up for you and probably do a really good job of it that you can just leave on.
Ok - maybe I should stick to satire and feminism...!