I was in Putney tonight where I am resident compere at a great show called Duke's Headliners and (you guessed it) the Duke's Head pub.
Had a rather horrific experience on the way there though. Stopped in a newsagents to buy a can of drink and I was just at the counter paying (so i.e. using both hands to sort through my bag for the right change) when a guy came in, walked up right behind me and, with his arms out to either side of me, started vigorously thrusting his groin into my bum. Essentially he was miming anally raping me and sorry if that sounds shocking but that is what he was doing. Of course we were both fully dressed but he did make repeated physical contact.
I spun round and demanded to know what the fuck he thought he was doing (I was thinking their must be some explanation cos surely no-one would actually do that in a well-lit shop with witnesses there). He said he was "waving to his friend" and indicated the man behind the counter. I told him that was not the way that you wave to a friend. And he said "calm down love, I work round here".
Then he picked up whatever it was he had come in for, paid for it (the newsagent served him quite normally despite the fact that I was cowering by the door shocked and frightened). Then after he had left I paid for my stuff and he said "Sorry about that. He's a bit funny. We've tried to bar him but it doesn't work".
I did try to take a picture of the asshole but unfortunately my phone memory is full and I didn't have time to sort it out before he left. In retrospect I wish I'd just punched him. I suppose I could have called the police but I know from experience they'd most likely have told me I'd misunderstood and then refused to write it down as a crime and then I probably would have punched someone.
Despite that bad start to the night we had a great show. Although to be honest that's mostly testament to my ability to put things to one side and do a good show. Now I am home and despite proper comfort food dinner (deep cheese pizza and garlic bread) I still feel pretty grossed out and dirty. I think I'll put my jeans in the wash and take a shower.