tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8248707.post8530622040394576194..comments2023-08-14T16:35:49.756+01:00Comments on Cruella-blog: How Not To Parent Line-By-LineCruellahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03446805038957924958noreply@blogger.comBlogger15125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8248707.post-80930410778198056732010-06-26T20:04:11.704+01:002010-06-26T20:04:11.704+01:00Well said. Jeeeez, I wonder if we are going backwa...Well said. Jeeeez, I wonder if we are going backwards sometimes. My two sisters and I all went through a tomboy phase and refused to wear pretty much anything that wasn't jeans and T-shirts at about that age. So what? Grrrr this insistence on strict gender roles fs me off.<br />Probably she just doesn't enjoy shopping and haircuts due to the inevitable arguments with her mother; I certainly remember that feeling.<br />And yeah, I am suspicious of any 'expert' who makes diagnoses on the basis of one letter.butterflywingshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16873407072604417252noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8248707.post-87361817930082391662010-06-24T10:54:27.458+01:002010-06-24T10:54:27.458+01:00Just want to say this is a really great article!Just want to say this is a really great article!Ranmarahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09583853526717553308noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8248707.post-32943722962534916852010-06-23T18:36:49.231+01:002010-06-23T18:36:49.231+01:00Yes actually when I asked whose fault the bad situ...Yes actually when I asked whose fault the bad situation with the hairdresser was I did largely mean the parents. though later I referred to "the hairdresser who caused problems" when in fact at meant "the hairdressers at which there were problems". I agree though - the problems are likely caused by the parents. I had forced haircuts as a child when my father didn't approve of my hair style (or lack thereof) and actually I feel rather sorry for the hairdresser who was asking me what I wanted and being told "I don't want my hair cut" by me and then instructed to do so anyway by my mother.Cruellahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03446805038957924958noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8248707.post-77999996771074072422010-06-23T18:25:02.322+01:002010-06-23T18:25:02.322+01:00"What particularly strikes me, though, is tha..."What particularly strikes me, though, is that your daughter becomes “hysterical” at the prospect of clothes shopping, haircuts."<br /> This is not at all complicated. Her parents are obviously displeased with what their daughter wears, so clothes shopping would be a nightmare. The child tries to get clothes she likes, her mother tries to talk her into getting clothes that don't fit with who she is. We don't know the nature of the hair cut situation, and it's wrong to assume it was the hair dresser's fault, cruella. Her mother may have once again been pressuring her daughter into doing something she doesn't want to do. I don't know about you guys, but I was very insecure at that age. I never wanted my hair cut and it looked terrible. My favorite shirts were all stretched out, and I wouldn't wear jeans. The mother should simply talk to her child and try to find a way for her daughter to look nice but wear what she feels like herself in.Magalenahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14546210048455013694noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8248707.post-44728319629173435322010-06-23T14:13:23.348+01:002010-06-23T14:13:23.348+01:00What utter nonsense, and what a fabulous takedown!...What utter nonsense, and what a fabulous takedown! :D<br /><br />I'm emailing regarding this article right now.<br /><br />I grew up in a conservative, southern, gender role-enforcing family. But luckily my mom was wise enough to realize that highly gendered clothing for girls was impractical, uncomfortable, and downright annoying. Most of the time we wore mostly gender-neutral clothing but occasionally got stuffed into horrible lacy dresses for pictures and church. We dreaded it and I'd have died if I had to wear that sort of stuff to school. Recess is no fun in skirts and dresses - you end up standing around instead of playing in order to be "modest."<br /><br />I know I wanted to dress like that girl most of the time, and hated artificial scratchy pink clothing. And oddly enough, I'm a white, cis-gendered, straight woman...and am not yet a professional drag king.Amyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04727977230481275388noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8248707.post-1899119827997046992010-06-23T14:09:39.363+01:002010-06-23T14:09:39.363+01:00First off...Yay!!! Have just found this blog thro...First off...Yay!!! Have just found this blog through a link from a friend and i love it. So beautifully written...<br /><br />Otherwise, as a trasn woman in a relationship with a partner recently diagnosed as possibly suffering from tactile sensitivity this story does strike a chord.<br /><br />We have, between us, had a long history of, um, misunderstanding over clothes, which has sort of resolved with the acknowledgment that the femmiest half of this relationship is me. My other half dresses for comfort. I dress for style...and the main source of disagreement nowadays seems to revolve around her (mostly futile) attempts to reclaim some of the prettier pieces of jewellery that she seems to think are hers by right.<br /><br />(Mostly ironic here....with maybe a hint of truth).<br /><br />I think there are two probs with Ms Byron's piece. First, she hasn't got the info - in the letter published - to make such a sweeping diagnosis. Worrying, really, that she now is so prominent in devising internet policy for gov'ment.<br /><br />Second...and this i write about loads nowadays...is this bizarre idea that people (for which read girls and effeminate boys) need to be shoe-horned into "normal" social models. If you want something to make your blood boil, try here: <br /><br />http://sexualitymatters.wordpress.com/2010/06/21/cutting-girls-down-to-size/Jane Faehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/18026287951470248518noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8248707.post-51542058435496226672010-06-23T13:33:21.789+01:002010-06-23T13:33:21.789+01:00I am so glad my parents had no problems with me we...I am so glad my parents had no problems with me wearing trousers all the time when I was a child! I did have dresses but they weren't frilly or uncomfortable and I always had a say in what they were like because my mother made them. I grew up in the 50s and 60s when this sort of thing would not have been treated as a mental illness - are we going backwards?Jillyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00104126307586066155noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8248707.post-33325936654471409202010-06-23T11:29:42.222+01:002010-06-23T11:29:42.222+01:00Marytracy9
exactly! i went through a girly phase,...Marytracy9<br /><br />exactly! i went through a girly phase, then went into leggings and polo neck tops and ddn't buy a skirt until i was 17! <br />i hated blowdrying my hair and was happy how i was. <br /><br />this girl sounds happy, healthy and fun. it is the parents who seem to be wanting to mess her up, putting all the attention on how she looks and not who she is.sianandcrookedribhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00959715300131969670noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8248707.post-50594619891614556552010-06-23T00:00:19.826+01:002010-06-23T00:00:19.826+01:00That girl sounds an awful lot like me when I was h...That girl sounds an awful lot like me when I was her age...Mary Tracy9https://www.blogger.com/profile/09538249313487924447noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8248707.post-22754933716435727952010-06-22T21:13:54.407+01:002010-06-22T21:13:54.407+01:00Prof. Tanya Byron who obtained her Phd in drug abu...Prof. Tanya Byron who obtained her Phd in drug abuse and not sociology clearly needs to read the website Pink Stinks. The co-ordinators of this website refuse to accept that 'boys are boys (sic)and girls are what??? Pink I guess and narry the twain must meet.<br /><br />So any girl who refuses to conform to the patriarchal dogma of 'appropriate feminine behavour' <br />which excludes girls being allowed to dress in comfortable clothing rather than the sexualised skimpy handerchiefs girls are supposed to wear is a 'tomboy.' <br /><br />Horrors mustn't have this must we Prof. Byron - but I don't blame you personally, I blame the male patriarchal owner of The Times because the days when newspapers were objective, neutral and just reported the news are long, long gone.<br /><br />Now we have individuals such as Prof. Byron co-opted by the male-centric, male dominated media and used as tools promoting patriarchal myths such as boys are from mars and girls are from venus. Girls must all wear uncomfortable, ill fitting, skimpy clothing because malestream popular culture and The Times claim a female's sole worth and value lies in her being turned into males' sexualised commodity.<br /><br />But there's rebellion in the ranks - some if not many girls are refusing to conform to patriarchal dogma and horrors are demanding good fitting, comfortable clothing and the right to be treated with dignity. rather than being pathologised. By the way patriarchy commonly pathologises women and girls - why? Because only males are human.JENNIFER DREWhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02112807166372869685noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8248707.post-38817624987125816842010-06-22T20:07:47.439+01:002010-06-22T20:07:47.439+01:00I am female (and quite sure of it!) but I haven...I am female (and quite sure of it!) but I haven't worn a dress since 1992. Surely I must be sectionably insane by now? <br />Sometimes women who spend/have spent a lot of time in male-dominated environments seem to dream of having a daughter that they can dress up and do 'girly' things with. At least this is how my sister explains her compulsion to dress my niece in shiny, pink high heels at the age of 8. I think it could be partly due to a lack of imagination in finding ways to foster female bonding, dare I say 'sisterhood'. While dads facilitate 'male bonding' by taking their sons to the football, mothers are supposed to take their daughters shopping for frilly garments and glittery nail varnish. Or something like that...Isla Harthttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16459204134062455681noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8248707.post-88687150234137166752010-06-22T19:58:46.870+01:002010-06-22T19:58:46.870+01:00It seems that in all her academic training, the Pr...It seems that in all her academic training, the Prof has never learned that what causes mental illness, more than wearing the clothes assigned to another gender, is other people, especially your parents, telling you from a young age that who you are is bad and wrong and should be changed. <br /><br />I agree, Kate, the child does sound massively more intelligent than the parents. Sigh.Unknownhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16369579819211743527noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8248707.post-2493686599632458952010-06-22T16:52:00.375+01:002010-06-22T16:52:00.375+01:00As a footnote I read through some of the comments ...As a footnote I read through some of the comments below the article and they mostly said that making a fuss about how she dresses is much more likely to cause problems than letting her do what she pleases. Which seems reasonable. Worryingly though a large number of commenters refer to what the mother should do or what the mother has got wrong. Yet the letter is written "we..." and "our daughter", clearly by both parents. Clearly only Mums are actually parents in this country!Cruellahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03446805038957924958noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8248707.post-23525520255436788742010-06-22T16:44:51.411+01:002010-06-22T16:44:51.411+01:00Please do, thanks Anji!Please do, thanks Anji!Cruellahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03446805038957924958noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8248707.post-79628758796104811232010-06-22T16:40:34.196+01:002010-06-22T16:40:34.196+01:00Excellent post Kate. Do you mind if I submit it fo...Excellent post Kate. Do you mind if I submit it for the Carnival of Feminist Parenting?Leia Organahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05341131220110311912noreply@blogger.com