Stuck in the Middleton

Well readers in the UK will have done well to avoid the news that Prince William and his girlfriend Kate Middleton have split up. To be honest it wouldn't be news at all if it wasn't for the media perpetually speculating that they were going to get married and what-sort-of-queen-would-she-be? rather than taking the situation at face value as two young people who were dating. Still there seem to be a few hilarious versions of events going round:

1) Middleton isn't classy enough for the royals. Evidence for this (seriously, from the Daily Mail) - she says "toilet" instead of "lavatory". Right. Now only the other week William was pictured drunkenly grabbing a woman's breast while dancing in a nightclub while his brother Harry was falling over in the street in front of the paparrazi. When did that become less offensive than usng the term "toilet"?

2) The queen has told William to steer clear of Middleton because she's too bossy. Mmmm. As a rule of thumb when your granny tells you to dump your girlfriend, it'd be your granny who's the bossy one.

3) William has decided that Middleton isn't fun enough. Apparently Harry's girlfriend Chelsy Davy is "more fun" and Diana, his mum, would have wanted him to "have fun". There's no telling what is meant by this but it does seem to me a bit symptomatic of a worrying trend these days to define "fun" as "drinks til she pukes at least three times a week", which is what Harry and his chums spend most of their time doing.

So what is "fun"? Drinking far too much? Try asking for a soft drink next time you're out with friends and see how long it takes before you're accused of being "no fun". I feel like Mary Whitehouse saying that people should realise you don't have to be (1) drunk, (2) stoned, (3) gambling, (4) spending money or (5) in a big group of people your own age to have "fun", whatever the media might seem to tell us. I suspect when Diana said whatever she ssaid about her kids having fun she didn't mean "go and grope random women in nightclubs"...